All the Feels: Transitioning to Daycare

[00:00:00] Jessica Stewart-Gonzalez: Welcome to The Parenting Brief. I’m your host, Jessica Stewart-Gonzalez, an Arizona working mom and Chief of the Office of Children’s Health at the Arizona Department of Health Services. From sleepless nights to first steps, we have need-to-know expert advice for families with kiddos under five.

[00:00:28] Parental leave is a time for bonding with baby, and it gives moms time to physically recover from giving birth, but when that leave is over, returning to work is a major transition that comes with a mix of emotions. Today, we’re talking about how to make that transition a bit easier.

[00:00:48] With us today is Michelle Saint Hilarie, the Senior statewide Program Director from the Child Care Resource and Referral. Thank you so much for being here today. 

[00:00:57] Michelle Saint Hilarie: Thanks for having me. 

[00:00:59] Jessica Stewart-Gonzalez: There are [00:01:00] a lot of things that go into this transition from maternity/paternity leave to needing to identify childcare for our kids, and so that’s really the conversation for today.

[00:01:16] So. First off, what advice can you share to make that transition from parental leave to going back to work the best it can be? Do you have any advice? 

[00:01:27] Michelle Saint Hilarie: I do. One of the things that we commonly experience in Child Care Resource and referral or C-C-R-N-R is families will wait till the last minute to find and learn about their childcare options.

[00:01:44] So we actually encourage families to start learning about childcare during pregnancy. Oftentimes, they just don’t realize, you know, that it takes time, it takes research. It’s not available as some might think [00:02:00] that it is, and it also is expensive. So it’s really important for families to start early when they’re searching for care versus waiting till the last minute or you know, a couple weeks before care is needed because they might run into some barriers or challenges and finding a setting that’s good for them and their child.

[00:02:22] Jessica Stewart-Gonzalez: A lot of programs have various ways for families to feel comfortable and to feel that their kids are in a safe and engaging environment. And I know one of the ways that some centers do this is through apps that share photos and updates about their kiddo. Do you think that access to that impacts that emotional transition for parents who are going back to work.

[00:02:51] Is that a positive thing? Does that make things harder? What have you seen in that type of app usage, in childcare settings? [00:03:00] 

[00:03:00] Michelle Saint Hilarie: It definitely gives the parents peace of mind that they can go into the app and they can view their child at any time throughout the day that they need to. Parents look for that.

[00:03:10] It’s one of the questions that they ask us when they’re searching for care. You know, if a family calls our childcare information line and they’re speaking with one of our childcare specialists, video monitoring, app communication, a locked entry are questions that commonly come up and for a new mom and a new dad who’s leaving their infant or their, you know, toddler in essentially a strange place, like it absolutely gives parents peace of mind when they’re able to communicate through the app, when they’re able to see their child throughout the day through the app.

[00:03:46] It definitely is something that families are looking for and helps provide them peace of mind, and sometimes they might see something that they don’t like on the app. But that’s a matter of communication, right? That’s a matter of having [00:04:00] that open line of communication with the caregiver to say, you know, “I noticed X, Y, Z thing. Can we talk more about that? Maybe you can help me understand more about that.”

[00:04:10] You know, as with anything, there’s good and bad, right? Like it could potentially even add more stress to a parent if they’re constantly checking throughout the day and you know, think about like how we use social media.

[00:04:22] Sometimes like we have to put it down and focus on what’s in front of us. So I would caution, you know, families to that as well. Like it could be hard if you’re not there, you’re not seeing the full picture, you don’t know all that’s going on. But I think the majority of the time it’s a positive thing and it gives parents peace of mind when they have to leave their child in the care of someone else.

[00:04:44] Jessica Stewart-Gonzalez: I remember with my littlest, who’s now seven, almost eight, when she was in childcare, those first few weeks, which are just so hard. I would call during the day to see [00:05:00] how she was doing, and I remember it at one point being like, “I can’t do this anymore,” because I hear this stuff in the background, a baby crying, and I’ll think the worst things, even though it’s completely normal for an infant to cry and to be comforted.

[00:05:19] But I would hear a baby crying in the background and I of course would immediately think the worst things were happening, and I’m like, this is ridiculous. I know my kid is okay and safe, and I need to stop calling because it would make my brain go crazy.

[00:05:35] Michelle Saint Hilarie: And I can tell you, like you’re reminding me, you’re making me think back to my Center Director days of like when those new families would come in and definitely we’re like, call as many times as you need to. Absolutely, until you feel comfortable. I think that’s another sign of a high quality program, you know?

[00:05:51] Yes, we’re busy throughout the day, but the number one thing I wanted as a Center Director and as a high quality [00:06:00] program was for parents to have that comfort, to have that peace of mind, to know that they could call as many times as they needed to throughout the day. And that’s the nice thing with the apps, you know, they can send pictures, like I’ve seen programs do that.

[00:06:12] I’ve even, you know, I have staff who have young children and they’re like, “Oh, look at this picture they sent me. They’re eating snack or they’re on the floor for tummy time,” or whatever the case may be. So the teacher/caregiver will also do whatever they can to like ease that emotion.

[00:06:30] Because you’re right, it is really hard to leave your child in a childcare program, and then especially within those first few weeks. And when you think about like, all the physical and hormonal changes a mom is already going through postpartum. It’s definitely, you wanna provide that reassurance to that family as much as possible.

[00:06:52] Jessica Stewart-Gonzalez: Yeah. I think that I was very thankful that they never made me feel ridiculous for calling. They always answered my [00:07:00] questions. They made it seem completely normal and fine, that I called as many times as I did and I’m very thankful. 

[00:07:08] Michelle Saint Hilarie: Absolutely. And I think I’ll emphasize high quality caregivers, right, will know and understand that and embrace that. So it’s great to hear that you were given that reassurance of, you know, everything’s fine, call as many times as you need to, and they really helped you feel at ease. Because you also wanna go to work and be effective in your role while you’re at work, right?

[00:07:30] And if you’re dysregulated and like worried about your child, you are not gonna be able to focus on, you know, performance at work. So it extends beyond just being sure my child’s okay, like mom and dad need to be okay too. 

[00:07:46] Jessica Stewart-Gonzalez: Who do you think has a harder time in the transition to childcare? Is that usually the child or is it usually the parent?

[00:07:55] Michelle Saint Hilarie: Uh, this is a trick question. It [00:08:00] really depends, right? It really depends. I mean, everyone is in a different place and stage in their life when it comes to this, and that’s actually one of the reasons, like when a family would call to enroll in the program for the first time, I always asked, “Are you bringing the child with you?”

[00:08:19] And if they said no, then I would not schedule the tour. Because I wanted to be sure that that child had a comfort level, right? Like you could really tell on that tour if this was gonna be a good environment for the child and for the adult. And I just think it depends on like, that attachment, you know. What is the attachment between the child and the adult?

[00:08:43] It can be equally hard on both. Sometimes it’s not hard on the child at all, and mom is standing there, you know, saying, “oh, they don’t need me,” or “they don’t want me,” which is not true. It actually just speaks to the secure attachment that they have to you as [00:09:00] their parent and the caregiver.

[00:09:02] But it really is so unique. It’s unique to every person and every individual. Sometimes it’s harder on the child than it is on the parent. Sometimes it’s harder on the parent than it is on the child.

[00:09:17] Jessica Stewart-Gonzalez: Want to know more? We have links and info in the show notes for you to check out. We continue our conversation on childcare in our next two episodes. Next up, we’re talking about early childhood education. Tap the follow button so you don’t miss out. Until next time, this is Jessica. You’ve got this.